As a divorced woman, you think about your name a lot.
Probably the first thing to address is whether, if you took your husband's surname when married, you want to revert back to your maiden name. Or kick both to the curb and come up with something else entirely (Fruitcakecumberbatch springs to mind).
But then there's the pesky problem of whether you are now Mrs, Miss or Ms.
Let's take a step back for a minute. I've often baulked at the historical shoddiness that forces women to either make public their marriage status, or plump for the middle-ground 'Ms' which makes just a bit too strong a point to be pleasant (IMHO). Men get to be Mr, whether they are married, divorced, ever-single, king or pauper. No one forces them to change. Ever.
So why should it be so for women? We have relatively recently started to baulk at changing our surnames when getting married; why has no one made a fuss about the whole Miss/Mrs/Ms thang? Why can't we just be Miss all our lives (and be forever young)?
'Mrs' was originally the abbreviation for 'Mistress' - the title prefixed to the name of a married woman - dating back to the 15th century (more about the history here). 'Ms' was first introduced in 1901 as a 'feminist proposal', and its popularity grew until, in 1974, the Passport Office conceded that we could use it as a formal part of our identity. How generous of them.
'Ms' is still a bit shit though. Why should we have to change our title at all?
Back to business. What is a Divorced Woman? She really isn't a 'Mrs' anymore - she's not married. And let's be honest, she's a bit long in the tooth to be a 'Miss'. Sad but true. And you know how I feel about the whole 'Ms' thing.
So. I have resolved to be 'Captain'. That's right - Captain. I have to admit, I'm not 100% sure of the legalities of the situation, but I have my pilot's licence - and it says Captain on there somewhere, I'm sure - so I assume I'm ok.
I'm not joking. I am currently the proud owner of a Friends and Family Railcard in the name of Captain Lomas. I am either a complete dickhead or the coolest Mum on the planet. Probably the former.
I mentioned this to a couple of friends and we wondered how far we could push it. Someone suggested that I could be 'Sister'; although wholly inappropriate, possibly illegal and probably a straight red card from being allowed into heaven - we all laughed wildly and I did consider it for a while. I'm sure I could explain the whole situation to St Peter over a small vodka or two.
And what if you signed up to the Seasalt mailing list as Lady Lomas? Duchess? Or even - and I'm tempted - HRH? Would I be pounced on by MI5?
Actually, that sounds a bit tempting. Yes please.
My next challenge will be to write to the DVLA and get 'Captain' on my driver's licence. And then, Passport Office, here we come. If you can accept Ms, two letters that mean diddly squat, you can bloody well make me a Captain.
Over and out.