A particularly English tableau to share with you this morning.
I was walking to work, and spotted an Attractive Man walking towards me. He was dressed in well-fitting jeans, a light sports jacket, suitable shoes. His hair was short. His skin was slightly tanned. He was age appropriate.
Even though he was a hundred feet away, I could feel my hormones prepare for launch.
Getting closer now, I decided that it would be best if I didn’t look in his direction. In fact, anywhere but. So I positioned my eyes up to the top right hand corner of my vision, in what I thought was a cool, nonchalant I’m not at all interested in you kind of look.
Unfortunately, this eye positioning also meant that I wasn’t looking where I was going. And as he was just about five feet away, I tripped.
It wasn’t just a trip - a steady - a walk on. It was a trip and then, to cover the trip, a skip and a slight hop. And then a tiny jump. Of course, all of this was accompanied by a small yet incredibly high pitched ‘Oooooo…AY’, escaping from my mouth before I’d had time to stop it, just as he passed me by.
And finally, to finish off the routine, I started to cackle loudly at the absurdity of it all. In fact, I couldn’t stop myself. I found myself bent over on the pavement, holding my stomach, letting all my embarrassment out in one huge, loud, old lady laughing bout.
It was a wonder I didn’t let out a huge fart, just to cap it all.
I wonder if I’ll ever see him again? Perhaps next time I can improve on my performance by falling on top of him and having a tiny wee.