Thursday, 3 April 2014

The Attractive Man

A particularly English tableau to share with you this morning.

I was walking to work, and spotted an Attractive Man walking towards me.  He was dressed in well-fitting jeans, a light sports jacket, suitable shoes.  His hair was short.  His skin was slightly tanned.  He was age appropriate.

Even though he was a hundred feet away, I could feel my hormones prepare for launch.

Getting closer now, I decided that it would be best if I didn’t look in his direction.  In fact, anywhere but.  So I positioned my eyes up to the top right hand corner of my vision, in what I thought was a cool, nonchalant I’m not at all interested in you kind of look.

Unfortunately, this eye positioning also meant that I wasn’t looking where I was going.  And as he was just about five feet away, I tripped.

It wasn’t just a trip - a steady - a walk on.  It was a trip and then, to cover the trip, a skip and a slight hop.  And then a tiny jump.  Of course, all of this was accompanied by a small yet incredibly high pitched ‘Oooooo…AY’, escaping from my mouth before I’d had time to stop it, just as he passed me by.

And finally, to finish off the routine, I started to cackle loudly at the absurdity of it all.  In fact, I couldn’t stop myself.  I found myself bent over on the pavement, holding my stomach, letting all my embarrassment out in one huge, loud, old lady laughing bout.

It was a wonder I didn’t let out a huge fart, just to cap it all.


I wonder if I’ll ever see him again?  Perhaps next time I can improve on my performance by falling on top of him and having a tiny wee.  

1 comment:

  1. I had to choke back a massive chuckle as I was reading this on my phone in bed last night and there was a sleeping toddler in the cot at my feet! (Don't wake the Kraken!). Really quite hilarious! :-)

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