I've just read an article, on a well-known Parent community site, that has made my blood boil. It has made me see red. But instead of using The Magic Finger (Roald Dahl reference - which is about the height of my reading at the moment) I've decided to bubble over here.
Sorry about that.
It's people who write about fashion as if it's an important thing. It isn't. In fact, I can barely think of anything that's more wasteful, meaningless and shallow in this topsy turvy world.
This article was talking about the apparent tragedy of 'mum dressing'. Now, you might think that a slummy mummy outfit worth noting would be a coffee-stained dressing gown with bunny slippers, or perhaps a pair of joggers and a T-shirt that had been worn day and night for two weeks without a sniff of deodorant. Add a touch of ketchup in the hair and something unmentionable under the nails et voila! Perhaps then, we've got something to share.
But no. Apparently the outfit of woe is a pair of Converses, a stripy Breton top, jeans and a parka. Fashionistas everywhere are (apparently) cursing mums who wear this 'mum uniform', criticising us for not making more of an effort.
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
Number 1. Who gives a shit? Really? Who is watching what we wear, what labels we have on, whether our lipstick is NARS or Collection 2000 or actually just a blob of jam left over from this morning's breakfast?
Number 2. Someone obviously does care, otherwise this article wouldn't have been written and the whole fashion industry wouldn't exist. But why? Don't tell me that it's to do with 'the cut' or 'the fit' because I won't believe you. Don't tell me it's because you like to see a woman make the best of herself, or I might lamp you.
Number 3. Converses are BLOODY EXPENSIVE. To my mind, they are akin to designer gear. So why criticise them for being common as muck?
Number 4. Mums' clothes need to be practical. Really, we should all be shuffling round in an apron, shower cap and wellies considering the amount of chuff that gets thrown at us, day in, day out. But we make some sort of effort, a nod to society, to keep ourselves smartish and try and make sure that our clothes aren't on inside out. But to don, as this article suggests, heels and the 'must-have coat of the season'...I'm sorry, I've just had a tiny bit of mouth vomit.
Fashion has always been a mystery to me. Aged 13, I was still in a pinafore dress when others were in luminous bat wing tops and ra-ra skirts. I remember looking at these girls, and thinking: that's odd.
Now don't get me wrong; I love colour. I like clothes that make me look thin. I love it when someone says "Oo, I love your skirt." And I love hats. Any sort of hat - there's something a bit romantic about them. A bit old school.
It's the whole following the crowd thing I don't understand. Spending money for no sake. Having a wardrobe full of perfectly good clothes and just ignoring them. Not mending clothes when buttons come off, or they rip a bit. Or refusing to wear them because of that tiny stain that no one else can see.
It's a waste! And an artificially contrived - um - thing that seems to have overtaken the lives of some of us. Surely, instead of buying 'this season's must have', we should be spending our money on experiences for us and our children; holidays, day trips, adventures. Or if we are lucky enough to have money left over, perhaps we should invest it in learning; evening classes perhaps. Or spend your money on a decent bike and get your car off the road.
In short, we should all be happy with a pair of Converses. And a bit of muck on our jeans.