Sunday, 22 December 2013

Merry Christmas! You are now divorced.

On Thursday I received my decree absolute.

This is one sheet of A4 which says, in a nutshell, you've buggered everything up and are now single.  Some people, I know, celebrate when this comes through (Absolut Vodka party, anyone?) but I feel sad.  Just sad.

This wasn't meant to happen in my life.  I didn't sit at my desk at school and think "Yes!  I'm going to be a famous singer in Madonna's backing troupe, get married, and then GET A DIVORCE!  It will be FAB!"  I thought I'd select a handsome, funny and kind husband, have two children, who will then have many grandchildren, and we would all have marvellously chaotic and colourful Christmases with overdone sprouts and too many Quality Street.   We would all sing carols around the much loved but slightly out-of-tune piano  There would be candles.  And snow.  Lots of snow.

Well.  Perhaps that will happen one day - to a point at least.  But there will never be that core family that you see in films; from It's a Wonderful Life to Home Alone - the nuclear family rules at Christmas.  They argue and shout and pull crackers and cry with happiness and watch telly and get in each other's way and snore and occasionally dribble.  I would like to be in that family.

My ex has said that he doesn't want to see the kids this Christmas.  He has not decided to to this because he doesn't want to see the boys; no.  He has done this because, taking them for a day means, in his eyes, that I get an extra 'day off'.  And I cannot be having that, can I.  So, in the true meaning of 'cutting your nose off to spite your face', he is not seeing them at all.

So.  My boys and I will spend Christmas Day with my Dad and his wife, my uncle, and a family friend.  We are all going out for a posh meal and no doubt the boys will be made a right royal fuss of.  On Boxing Day we are off to a friend's house for mulled wine and rounds of Stille Nacht (she's German, innit).  And then follows several days of Xbox, DVDs, walks, board (bored) games, friends, lie ins, late nights.  Topped off by NYE at a friend's house with boys the same age.

I hope the boys enjoy themselves.  I remember Christmas being a magical time.  So magical in fact, that I refuse to desist trying to keep it alive by making reindeer food, leaving something for Santa and trailing as many fairy lights as I can inside and outside the house.  I have stockings, sacks, hats, crackers, cake, mince pies, stollen, panetone (don't even know what that is), and Baileys.  I sing carols until I'm blue in the face.

I try too hard.

Tomorrow is my last working day and then I'm free as a bird until January 3rd.  So let me take this opportunity to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, whether married, single, divorced, poorly, sad, or full or life and laughter.  I hope you have a fantastic time with your loved ones.

Merry Christmas everybody!

10 comments:

  1. This is a beautiful heart-felt post. I was drawn to it because this will also be my first Christmas without my husband: We are separated not yet divorced. I too had the dream of an infinite number of chaotic and colourful Christmases with overdone sprouts and too many Quality Street. Now I have to reinvent my idea of what Christmas and life will be like as a family...

    So sorry your ex has decided not to see the children. But he is really missing out. What an idiot! Sending hugs to you; This year you are doing Christmas your way. :-)

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    1. Peggy - I will be raising a glass to you on Christmas Day! xxxxxx

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    2. A pint glass, obviously. Full of Baileys!

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    3. I just imaged pint glass of Baileys and went Hmmm... the same way Homer Simpson does when he thinks of donughts... I guess there is nothing wrong with that!

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  2. Things have a habit of working out for the best. My husband left his first wife after years of unhappiness and now is settled and content with me and our two young children. I'm sure the family unit you dream of is out there and that an extended family can be even more chaotic and fun. Happy Christmas x

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    1. Happy Christmas Linda! And thank you for taking the time to say such lovely words. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your family. xxx

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  3. Having stayed together and spending Christmas with your ex doesn't sound like it would have been much fun to be honest! We had a lovely Christmas Day with my parents but Boxing Day at my husband's parents house was either boring or fraught! I think it all depends what kind of family you have as to whether you are able to have those spectacular family occasions and, from where I'm standing, it doesn't necessarily have to be a nuclear one! Anyway I hope you all had a lovely time. X

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    1. Thanks - yes, all good and pretty jolly. I've just taken the decs down so that's it for another year! I'm glad your Christmas Day was good. Thanks, as always, for your comments. xx

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  4. Belated reading, but hope xmas went well.

    Can't understand your ex AT ALL.

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    1. Hi Sarah, so glad you wrote that. Sometimes I think it's just me. And it probably is me to a certain degree, but glad to hear that it may be him too. Happy New Year - and thanks so much for your comments. xxx

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