So. The general feedback to me at the moment from lovely friends is; forget the boyf, don't get another one yet, give yourself some space.
But something fundamental within me wants to fill that space. I am actually scared of having space. It makes me feel a bit....rattly. But why?
Because, tomorrow for example, I will be on my own. The thought of this terrifies me - which is ridiculous, because I know I will fill it with a 30 mile bike ride and then be so exhausted that I won't want to do a single other thing. But in the back of my mind, I feel like I need a man. A man's love? A man's practical side? Sex? All of these, probably.
Which is utterly, boggingly ridiculous!
Am I hard wired like that, or is it something I've learned? My mum is like that too - when the love of her life left her she started a crusade of dating, trying to find that feeling of love, comfort, safety - whatever it is - again. She found it - sort of. But should I be strong with myself and say "come on, being alone for a while is ok, it will help actually, and I will be a better person for it." Or should I continue to fill the space with chatting up young boys on Flickr, and refuse to face my fears?